a beautifully strange day

On the way to work, I decided to listen to the comedy album Akemi gave me for my birthday. Sitting in pockets of traffic, I laughed so hard that my eyes watered and tears streamed endlessly down my face. If anyone bothered to look my way, they probably would have thought that I was a raving lunatic, but I didn't care. (It's taken me awhile to "get it", but I'm starting to realize that people pay way less attention to me than I imagine they do). I listened all the way to Castro Valley, thankful that tears of laughter take much less time to fade from one's face than tears of the other sort (with my swollen eyes and red, blotchy skin, I have never been a "pretty" crier). I went into Peet's, where my favorite barista greeted me with, "Hey, Jessica!". I ordered my drink (and an iced lemon curd scone - I am so bad at this whole "wedding diet"). As I was walked to my car, I began to worry again that the parking spot I was in really was a handicapped spot. Although the telltale blue and white icon is faded, and there is no posted sign, and the neighboring lines have been painted and repainted, AND there is a more recent 20 minute green parking zone painted on the curb, I have always been wary of this particular spot. Usually, I go out of my way to avoid it, but today, I didn't. Holding my keys protectively, I imagined someone seeing me get into my car and yelling, "That's a handicapped spot, you insensitive bitch!" I held my coffee, with my pastry bag swinging in my other hand, and imagined the sheer mortification of someone confronting me. Would he/she let me explain? What would I say? I was consumed by these thoughts as I continued to walk towards my car. Vaguely, I noticed that a man in neighboring car began to open his door. After I passed his car, and unlocked mine, he asked me,"Do you need a husband?" To which I replied, after a pause, "Um, no...?". He shook his head. "Oh darn! Because I could marry you this minute! You have a nice day!". I smiled at him, and responded, "Thank you!". I think he was probably crazy, but it still made me smile.

Today at recess, one of my former students told Vicki, "Look at me! I can run with no hands!" Then he proceeded to run with his arms pinned at his side.

Sometimes, I love this crazy life.

for the record

I sat down in the teacher's lunchroom on Monday, staring unhappily at my organic rice, bean, and cheese burrito. As I complained with other teachers about our job, I began to feel an overwhelming sense of despair. My eyes fought watering up. I contemplated, for the first time, not finishing the year. I truly hated my job. I didn't want to work with kids anymore, I didn't want to deal with the paperwork anymore, I was sick of working nights and weekends (and those winter and summer breaks we supposedly have off). I wanted out. As I struggled to get down my burrito, I realized that I was becoming nauseous. Very. I ended up getting sick in the ladies' room, then having to teach for another 2 1/2 hours. I was done. I came home, and asked Kevin, for the 10th time in two weeks, what I was going to do.

I'm writing this because Kevin claims that I felt the same way at the beginning of school last year. He says that I thought my students were low and that I'd never get them trained, and yet, they were brilliant and I did get them trained. So, next year, if I'm still teaching, I want a concrete reminder, should I find myself feeling this way again, that it, too, will pass. Also, the diet pills were making me seriously unbalanced. Once I was off the smack, I was happy as a clam. Coincidence?

That said, even though I have been sick as a dog this week, I feel like I'm finding my groove. And I'm having fun. I have really nice kids, even though I definitely have my work cut out for me this year.

vocation

I'm looking for a new job. I would like a job that pays a lot and is really easy. Stripping is out; I don't have the body for it. Any other ideas?