Today was a day that began quite normally. I met with Red to plan for subbing on Thursday, as well as the rest of the week. As usual, there wasn't enough time before kids started to find their way into the classroom. I didn't do much teaching today- I often find myself doing TA tasks because, frankly, I'm pretty good at taking care of the details and making use of technology in the classroom. Perhaps that's why I ended up so out of synch with the kids - but then again, Red was struggling too. Some days the profound disadvantage my students face is staggering. We have a little boy, who, 130 days into school, still cannot write his name. Although we suspect that he is in need of special ed. services, special ed. is full and cannot take him on this year. We have students who sit and refuse to work, students who hit one another, students who struggle for control with every adult and child in sight. We have children whose parents don't give a damn about them. Children who are not bathed, children who have no money on their lunch accounts day after day, children who go home to drug-abusing parents/parent's friends/parent's significant other-of-the-week. It tires me, and I can only imagine what it does to them.

I feel empty and drained. I've been crying on and off since I started driving home from Saint Mary's, and I could barely get a cohesive sentence out to Kevin on the phone because my throat was constricted with grief and frustration. Frustration with him, frustration with school, frustration with the world.

Tomorrow is a new day. Thank the unseen, unfelt God for that.