It's not often that I have the opportunity to interact with people who make me feel like I'm actually not the most self-involved human being on earth. As I listen to their gripes about the exhaustion that occurs with "keeping up with the Jones'", I cringe within, dying to scream ,"the reason you're so depressed and so burned out is because the only people you two invest in are yourselves! You buy into the lies that a beautiful house and high-paying jobs will make you happy, and you're fools for it."

Today was one of those days where I found myself struggling to swallow down angry, hateful words that have lived within my mind for 20+ years. Ugh. How can two people be so smart and yet so incredibly clueless? For the life of me I don't get it. I look at their life together with disdain, with contempt. And suddenly it's not just about our disagreements about the important things in life, it's about a childhood filled with so much anger and resentment that it still brings tears to my eyes. It's about loathing the actions and injuries of a woman who is gone, never to come back, and whose criticisms of I can never voice to the person I want most to understand.

The things that irritate me - they're only surface. I know lots of people who are totally and completely into themselves and themselves alone. Sitting down to put my thoughts into writing has helped me realize that there are major rifts that need to be dealt with for a real relationship to flourish. I guess now I just have to figure out whether I want this badly enough.

Hmm... Yesterday was a yucky day. From the minute I got to work, I was bombarded with last minute changes, customers who wanted to make payments that no one was trained to process, snotty party hostesses, etc. Nothing was going well. Today I return to the jungle to be trained in answering phones, taking payments for aquatics, etc. None of which is my job, mind you, but since I'm at the counter during parties, they figure that I should be able to back up the cashiers. Right. Ok. I'll just do everyone's job. That's cool. I woke up early this morning wondering if the trash bins had been empited outside. Are you kidding me? And I feel like my boss is just abandoning me and leaving me to deal with all kinds of crap that I had nothing to do with. And... if one more person tells me that they've left a million messages for her and not gotten a call back - someone is going to get hurt.

Bah.

Ok, off to make my peanut butter and jelly sandwich before work. Peace Out.