for the record

I sat down in the teacher's lunchroom on Monday, staring unhappily at my organic rice, bean, and cheese burrito. As I complained with other teachers about our job, I began to feel an overwhelming sense of despair. My eyes fought watering up. I contemplated, for the first time, not finishing the year. I truly hated my job. I didn't want to work with kids anymore, I didn't want to deal with the paperwork anymore, I was sick of working nights and weekends (and those winter and summer breaks we supposedly have off). I wanted out. As I struggled to get down my burrito, I realized that I was becoming nauseous. Very. I ended up getting sick in the ladies' room, then having to teach for another 2 1/2 hours. I was done. I came home, and asked Kevin, for the 10th time in two weeks, what I was going to do.

I'm writing this because Kevin claims that I felt the same way at the beginning of school last year. He says that I thought my students were low and that I'd never get them trained, and yet, they were brilliant and I did get them trained. So, next year, if I'm still teaching, I want a concrete reminder, should I find myself feeling this way again, that it, too, will pass. Also, the diet pills were making me seriously unbalanced. Once I was off the smack, I was happy as a clam. Coincidence?

That said, even though I have been sick as a dog this week, I feel like I'm finding my groove. And I'm having fun. I have really nice kids, even though I definitely have my work cut out for me this year.