it's sinking in

As someone who is fortunate enough to work in a very fiscally conservative district, I have remained fairly aloof to the financial crises being experienced in surrounding school districts. Our reserves, we were assured, would keep us afloat for at least two years without cuts to programs or distribution of pink slips. We found out today that spending has been frozen. We will probably be losing our classroom aides (who play a large role in the much needed interventions our students receive). Programs for professional development are being canceled mid-year. Our Language Arts adoption has been canceled. Everything seems to be coming to a screeching halt.

Until now, I haven't let myself get terribly worried about the state of our economy. Partly because I'm smart enough to have finally figured out that my worrying has never been proven to fix anything and I usually just end up a puffy-eyed insomniac as a result. I'm also incredibly self-absorbed. So, as my life wasn't being directly impacted, it wasn't difficult to keep a lid on my worries. When I realized that that my dad's retirement was being affected, I freaked out for the first time. He reassured me that things would be fine. Then, in conversation, my mom made a simple comment to me. She said something like, "Jessica, people don't have enough food to eat". These are people who had jobs 6 months ago. Families like mine. I started crying. I cried the way that I used to cry when I cared about the suffering of others. Still, I didn't really get it. I know people who have had their homes foreclosed. Their credit is fucked, they've had to move, but no one I know is living on the streets. But that's not true of everyone. It's finally sinking in.

Over winter break, we lost 8 families from our school because they lost their homes and had to relocate to live with relatives. In some ways, they are lucky because they, at least, had somewhere to go. They're cramped, they're inconvenienced, but they are surviving.

I know that it's going to get worse before it gets better. I just hope we can hold out.