If you ever wondered about my sanity...

One of the things that I like most about David Sedaris is his honesty about living in a world of fantasy. His accounts of his wild fantasies are both hilarious and comforting (because mine are never quite as bizarre as his). I am constantly dreaming about the most ridiculous things. As I clean my house, I daydream about my dream house. Currently, it's two sprawling stories nestled on 3 acres of highly landscaped splendor. It has 5 bedrooms and 4 1/2 baths. We have an office, a playroom/game room, and a movie room. We also have gigantic, ultra-organized walk-in closets, a large kitchen pantry, and a sizable laundry room. Did I mention that a professional cleaning team comes to clean my dream house once a week? The great thing about this team of cleaners is that they all have severe OCD. They clean my home as if it was their own, right before important, highly judgmental company is about to come and stay with them for 2 weeks. THAT is how thoroughly they clean my home. Because of their disorder and personal interest (those visiting relatives), they literally cannot rest until even the most forgotten and remote of places sparkle and shine. Sometimes, I snap out of my fantasy and find that I have been scrubbing the same exact spot on the counter for five minutes, without pause. My eyes have glazed over, and I have to blink several times to rewet my contacts. Sometimes I fantasize about the growth of the business. I detail the number of employees and their specialities. Other times, I dream about discovering some amazing teaching practice about which I write several best selling books. I then tour the country. I am a dynamic speaker, and other teachers dream of being as inspiring and effective as I. I call this the "Debbie Miller Dream". Sometimes, I'm the author and illustrator of children's books. Children love my books, and I get to work from home in my pajamas. Then, there's the fantasy that I am an incredibly talented painter and photographer. I have monthly showings at various galleries, where my work sells for thousands of dollars a piece. I even fantasize about being more well-read. My monthly reading list includes the biographies and autobiographies of important world leaders, studies of various world cultures, books about history and science, comparisons of world religions, intellectual analyses of fine art, and, of course, professional reads related to improving my knowledge of good pedagogy. It's so nerdy! And... sick. In reality, I'm lucky if I read 1 or 2 books in a given month, and they are typically enjoyable but usually leave me no more intelligent or informed than I was before. But in my dreams... I am an intellectual giant.

thanks, Gavin, for opening my eyes

Perhaps it's the doom and gloom surrounding education; perhaps it's the fact that I'm sick (AGAIN); perhaps it's the exhausting coworkers. I have been in such a negative place and I just can't seem to shake it. Tonight, as I was driving home, Bush was playing on the radio. "If I had it all again, I'd change it all." Would I change it all? I would... definitely not. I started thinking about all of the things I'm grateful for, starting with a couple of huge life mistakes that almost were (please see #1 and #2). I would definitely not change items 1-3.

1. I'm thankful that I didn't marry Ben.

2. Or Brad, for that matter.

3. I'm thankful that I did marry Kevin :-).

4. I'm thankful that I don't have to look at a devil tattoo on my body each day.

5. I'm thankful for Daniel Dayton, for talking me out of said tattoo.

6. I'm thankful for seeing my friends Saturday, even though I was exhausted and grumpy from taking care of Nolan all day by myself. After being sent home the day before for tossing my cookies. Three times. I needed to remember that I actually like other human beings.

7. I'm thankful for Nolan, even though I'm not always as good at being a mom as I should be.

8. Even though I don't always love my job, I'm glad that I have one. And, even though it means that I'm by myself a lot, I'm glad that Kevin has one, too.

9. I'm thankful that I have such sweet students. I enjoy laughing with them. And... learning with them. I like that, too.