It's not often that I have the opportunity to interact with people who make me feel like I'm actually not the most self-involved human being on earth. As I listen to their gripes about the exhaustion that occurs with "keeping up with the Jones'", I cringe within, dying to scream ,"the reason you're so depressed and so burned out is because the only people you two invest in are yourselves! You buy into the lies that a beautiful house and high-paying jobs will make you happy, and you're fools for it."

Today was one of those days where I found myself struggling to swallow down angry, hateful words that have lived within my mind for 20+ years. Ugh. How can two people be so smart and yet so incredibly clueless? For the life of me I don't get it. I look at their life together with disdain, with contempt. And suddenly it's not just about our disagreements about the important things in life, it's about a childhood filled with so much anger and resentment that it still brings tears to my eyes. It's about loathing the actions and injuries of a woman who is gone, never to come back, and whose criticisms of I can never voice to the person I want most to understand.

The things that irritate me - they're only surface. I know lots of people who are totally and completely into themselves and themselves alone. Sitting down to put my thoughts into writing has helped me realize that there are major rifts that need to be dealt with for a real relationship to flourish. I guess now I just have to figure out whether I want this badly enough.