what was i thinking?!
My class is out of control. I have one child who acts like an animal - she spent Friday crawling around on the ground, talking/singing to herself, and doing absolutely no work. It doesn't matter how many children tell her to knock it off, or how many times I separate her, talk to her, or voice my disappointment and frustration with her - she is oblivious to the fact that no one wants to be around her. I have a handful of other students who are completely unaffected by rebukes for their chatty, inappropriate classroom behavior. I have another handful of kids who do what they are supposed to do, but who are often punished along with the rest of the class, partly because I'm hoping these "good" kids will pressure the "bad" kids to stop causing so many disruptions. So far, it's not working.
There are moments when I am able to be the teacher I want to be - when I am able to be warm, goofy, and engaging. Times when I am able to
It's sad to say, but I really, at this point in time, do not like what I do. I'm afraid that I made the wrong choice when I chose to enter the education field. I'm starting to think that I don't even really like kids. I've been told that most teachers feel this way their first year or two, but that fact brings me little comfort. It's hard to feel like my best isn't good enough.
posted by Jessica @ 2:25 PM
3 Comments:
Oh, dear Jessica. This makes me sad. May I remind you of a conversation that we had last year?
It went like this:
S: How long do I have to give this? I don't think I can live like this forever!
J: You need to teach as long as you went to school.
S: Like, one year for the credential, or all five years?
J: All five.
S: Damn.
Although I remember that conversation, I don't remember what it was like to be that teacher. Promise me that you'll hang in there. Those many years of students who will go through your class need you. You're the type of teacher that we lack, but cherish. I only hope that my (hypothetical) children will have a teacher who is as loving, passionate, competent, and considerate as you are.
I'm with Sherry. Teachers have been the most inspiring and empowering people I have ever met. You will speak value into some of these children's lives that they have never had before, and it will probably be some children that you would never have expected.
Ooh...Raj doesn't even know the wisdom in his words. The little shits that I practically hated are the ones who come back and tell me how much they loved my class.
Jess, coffee Sunday morning? Call me if you're up to it.
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