You can take this job and shove (or love) it

Side note: Just as I was beginning this post, I brought my knees in close to my chest to get my legs under the sheets. Stupidly, I didn't think about the laptop that was balancing on my lap. I brought the freaking thing crashing into my forehead. Ow. I am reminded of Sherry tripping and hitting her face on her laptop. Sometimes... it's like looking in a mirror.


Today was the first day of school. As of 9:30, I began reconsidering my profession. I've had some awfully bad teaching moments, but rarely have I felt so incompetent as a teacher as I did today. The feeling that I had little-to-no control over the classroom was devastating. The children were so chatty, and so unaware of me, that at times I felt invisible. I'm not even sure how to convey information to first graders. I wasn't sure what to write, how to give examples, when a given number of warnings was enough, etc. At times, I felt I was too easy on them. At other times, I felt like a drill sergeant. Sometimes, they were right on task, other times, they were nowhere near the task at hand.

And what am I to do with my two girls who speak almost no English? There's no support system for them, no special aides or programs. They are expected to sit in the classroom and, essentially, sink or swim. I can only imagine how exhausted and isolated they must feel at the end of a 6.5 hour day, having understood about 10 words that were spoken to them. How am I to assess them? How am I to teach them? Oh, I've been trained in using SDAIE strategies and executing small-group ELD lessons, but at this point in time I do not see how I am going to meet these girls needs. If my only job was to teach them English, I could devote my whole day to working with them. But it's not. I have 16 other students to attend to.

Did I mention that I didn't even remember recess? 1:55 came and went, and at 2:15 I realized that we had missed recess.
This is the first time I've been at a school with an afternoon recess, and it threw me.

Sigh. I want to go to bed. And not go back tomorrow.